Encouraging the Positive Aspects of Youth Sports

My 14-year-old daughter is competing in the International Age Group Invitational swim meet this weekend in Fort Lauderdale, FL. So far, she’s had one good swim, one decent swim and two disappointing swims. But as I talk to her on the phone, receive her text messages, and offer her words of encouragement when she’s disappointed and words of congratulations when she’s pleased with her performance, I am reminded of the strides she’s made emotionally and maturity wise in the last few years. I give a ton of credit for the character she is building and the person she is becoming to her participation in the sport of swimming and to the influence of her dedicated coaches.

You see, just two years ago, I experienced for the first time just how many life lessons a child can learn from participating in a sport — and most of those lessons are learned when the child has an “off” day in his/her sport.

At the time, my daughter was 12 and had been swimming competitively for six years.  That year, she’d really made some enormous strides in her sport, moving from a “middle of the packer” to a “top of the packer” within her club and age group.  She had decided that she wanted to go to Zones , which is a regional swim meet requiring swimmers to achieve a “Triple A” time, or an “AAA” time standard within USA Swimming, Central Zones. 

My daughter set her Zones goal, and then did the work to achieve the goal. She upped her practice from 2-3 times/week to 4-5/times per week (each practice is nearly 2 hours, so it’s a big commitment).  By the time summer, long-course swim season arrived, she had mostly A times and a few double A’s.  She became even more focused.  She worked really hard.  And she made sacrifices, too, by giving up sleepovers so that she’d be rested for a morning meet, or skipping friends’ birthday parties altogether in order to attend an out-of-town swim meet. 

Then the meet came that was her last shot at her triple in time for Zones.  Her coach anticipated that she would get the time; she EXPECTED to get the time; her friends thought it would happen; and I was fairly certain she’d pull it off. She was within ½ second to 4 seconds away in a number of swimming events. 

Unfortunately, she didn’t swim as well as she expected.  In fact, on the last morning of the meet, her coach pulled her from the relay because she added enough time in her swim to knock her out of the top 4 in her age group for that event.  She was devastated, crying and deflated.  But she still had two more events to swim, plus finals that evening.  I wasn’t sure what to do for her or what to say to her.  I reminded her that what her coach did was fair – the other girls swam better than her that day and they deserved the relay spots.  I also reminded her that she wasn’t swimming her best, and that she could do better.  Then I gave her a hug.  She didn’t feel comforted, and I felt like I was failing, too. 

I walked away from her, cried a few tears myself over my inability to help her, and then went back to talk to her one more time.  Here’s what I said:

“You’ve worked hard for nine months.  You’ve made the deposits into this account, and now you need to make your withdrawals (I read that somewhere in a swimming-related article, so I apologize to the original thought-author).  You came here expecting this to happen, but it’s not going to happen because you expect it.  It’s going to happen because you apply what you’ve learned this year.

“Now, remember something else which is more important.  Swimming a triple isn’t a life skill that will get you anywhere.  But, recovering from this defeat, and rallying yourself so that you can go back out there in your remaining swims and put your best foot forward – now that’s a life skill worth having.” 

My “little girl” made me proud.  She swam her two remaining events and got new best times.  She made it to finals, and got new best times that evening in all three events, as well.  And, she came within 2/100s of a second of achieving her Triple A.

No – she didn’t get her time that summer.  But she rallied, which I think was even more difficult.  And, she remained on the deck after her events to cheer for her friends and teammates (who replaced her on that relay). I didn’t tell her to do that, she just did it. To this day, thinking of how proud she made me by rallying, swimming her best and then sticking around to cheer on her teammates brings a tear to my eye.

Thus, I believe — just as the people at responsiblesports.com believe — that youth sports offer many more benefits than just physical fitness and potential scholarships.