Stop — I want to get off!

Remember when you could ask for “do-overs” and when you could demand that the merry-go-round be stopped so you could get off? Well, my family has had a challenging (to say the least) week and I DO NOT want a do-over, but I would like to step off this insane ride for a few moments to catch my breath.

We’ve had three deaths in our extended family since Jan. 2, my computer was eaten alive by a trojan virus and our furnace quit working on the same day the temperatures hit the teens and the windchill took the mercury below zero!

Now let’s back up the truck and I’ll give you more details.

My husband’s uncle died on Jan. 2 from injuries he received in a horrible car accident just after Christmas. He lived in Kentucky, so my husband and his parents made the eight-hour drive from St. Louis to Kentucky late Monday night, returning on Wednesday. It was particularly hard on my mother-in-law, who is close to all of her siblings.

My great uncle also died on Jan. 2 after being ill for some time. He lived in the St. Louis area, so I was able to attend his wake Tuesday night (Jan. 5), but only after arranging carpools for my older children and only with my toddler in tow. It was a challenge, but I’m glad I went for my Mom, who is very sad, and to see lots of family that I seldom see.

On the same day as the wake, my brother’s father-in-law died after a year-long battle with pancreatic cancer. I knew this man before I even knew his daughter, who became my sister-in-law, because he had been my boss at my first teenage job at the Florissant (MO) K-Mart. He was a kind man who my brother had come to love and who was loved dearly by his daughters. His wake and funeral this weekend will be very sad and it will be hard to watch his widow, my brother and sister-in-law and their boys grieve the loss.

Certainly less important, but significantly disruptive, has been the destruction of my computer by a trojan virus. (Remember, I’m a freelance writer/communications professional who MAKES A LIVING AT HOME WITH A FUNCTIONAL COMPUTER).  This happened Dec. 30 and my poor husband has spent countless hours attempting to salvage it (amid all this other craziness), but we finally gave up. It is my intention to save the money to buy a Macintosh — IAM DONE WITH PC’S. But, as a Band-aid (and after more than one three-hour conversation with Microsoft support professionals on the other side of the globe) we’ve purchased a new computer. Now, I’m waiting for my dear husband to get home from work and “make it so.” In other words, I want him to restore all the crap off the back-up external hard drive, and set up all the other systems and processes I need to work. I am tired of working on a slow laptop that doesn’t like me to answer work emails, open attachments, save anything to the hard drive, open more than two Internet windows, blog, update my site, etc.

I should have been back up and running YESTERDAY but the supplier from which we ordered my new computer failed to deliver it yesterday as was promised. We were told it was “backordered” and they could not tell us when it woudl arrive. Unacceptable. We canceled the order and began shopping elsewhere. While doing that, we noticed it suddenly felt very cold in our house. “No honey — that’s not ME being ICY because I’m mad about my computer not arriving. It really is cold in here.” Hhrummpf! Like I could be enough of a witch to lower the temperature of the house!

Anyway, that’s when we discovered that the furnace wasn’t working. Guess what? Heating and air conditioning dudes are really busy when it gets super cold outside and the weather guys are predicting six inches of snow! To spare you boring details — our furnace is “temporarily” fixed while we wait for a part to be ordered that is due next Tuesday. No guarantees it will keep heating the house until then. Just a “let’s hope so” from the furnace dude.

Surprisingly, I haven’t had a complete tantrum yet. I’ve had a few “almost tantrums,” but no complete tantrums. My Beth Moore Bible Study is helping — this week’s lesson was on waiting/patience, neither of which are my strong suits and both upon which I needed desperately to focus. I was reminded that God’s in control, not me. And THAT gives me some peace. So, I’ll stay on the merry-go-round of life and be grateful for it.

On Christmas, I Always Wonder If She Knew

We all know what a mother’s worst fear is — I don’t even like to say it or type it. So on Christmas, I always find myself wondering — did Mary know?

I admit, I probably didn’t form this question in my mind without the help of the song by Mark Lowry, “Mary, Did You Know?” It’s one of my favorite Christmas songs.

So think about it. Angels told Mary she would give birth to a child who would impact the world. And she experienced the miracle of a virgin birth. But the text of the Bible doesn’t indicate that she was told “You will give birth to this baby. And you will love Him like any other mother loves her baby. You’ll watch Him learn to walk, and you’ll comfort Him when He’s scared, and care for Him when He’s sick. You will raise Him and love Him more and more everyday and watch Him become a man. But not long after His 30th birthday, He will give His life for the rest of humanity, cleansing the rest of us. And those who choose to believe in Him will be restored our to Heavenly Father through His sacrifice.”

I don’t think she knew. But as a Jew, she’d been taught about the prophesies, so I think she may have suspected, especially near the end.

We, on the other hand, have the privilege of knowing what that virgin birth meant to mankind. We have all the evidence we need. As we celebrate Christ’s birththis year, let us not forget what His birth, and then death and resurrection, meant for us all. Consider the words of the song:

Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day walk on water? Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters? Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new? This child that you’ve delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man? Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand? Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod? And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will live again. The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation? Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day rule the nations? Did you know that your baby boy is heaven’s perfect Lamb? This sleeping child you’re holding is the Great I Am.

Political Correctness Going Mad Yet Again

It seems that political correctness has taken yet another step toward insanity. As reported last week by the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, students in the Rockwood School District are being taught an alternative to the calendar designations of B.C. (Before Christ)and A.D. (Anno Domini, Latin for “in the year of the Lord.”)

Dean Mandis, a father of two students in the Rockwood School District (also the school district of my children) addressed the district’s school board last week regarding his concerns that his daaughter was being taught the concepts of B.C.E. (Before the Common Era) and C.E. (Common Era) as alternatives to the dating system that has been in place for HUNDREDS OF CENTURIES!

“Introducing B.C.E./C.E. in conjunction with B.C./A.D. in the classroom is to deny the historical basis of the dating system and ultimately leads to confusion,” Mandis told the board. Mandis said this teacher’s decision was “irresponsible” and possibly “a dangerous and slippery slope.” (quoted from Tim Townsend’s article in the Post and on stltoday.com.)

Apparently, according to a source in the article, the movement to use C.E. and B.C.E. in western academia began in the 1980s. When something similar happened in Kentucky in 2006, Christians fought it and the effort to use the new dating system disappeared. Gotta hand it to you, KY! (that’s for my husband and his relatives.)

Not surprisingly, the same textbook companies that have been re-writing history for the last few decades to make it more politically correct and less offensive are at least partially to blame for this effort. Craig Larson, Rockwood School District superintendent, wrote this explanation on his blog:

“Within the last 10-15 years, CE/BCE has started to appear in student textbooks, usually along with AD/BC and sometimes with just one or the other mentioned. Teachers make sure that students are aware of both designations so they are literate when they encounter either notation.”

I understand the textbook companies desire to sell textbooks. When I was a newspaper reporter, people used to accuse us of writing things “just to sell newspapers.” I’d say, “We need to sell newspapers, folks. This isn’t a not-for-profit operation.” But that didn’t mean we had license to write things that were false. I understand that you can probably sell more textbooks if your books are vanilla enough to not offend ANYONE, that doesn’t make them accurate.

I’ll never forget when my oldest came home from kindergarten telling me that the pilgrims celebrated Thanksgiving to thank the Native Americans (see, I can be PC) for helping them survive in the new country. Seriously? While the pilgrims may very well have owed a debt of gratitude to any Native Americans who helped them learn to live in this untame land, it was NOT the Indians who they were thanking that first Thanksgiving. Still, when I investigated, that was the message of the book my daughter’s teacher was reading to her class. No mention of thanking God on Thanksgiving — just the natives.

As Larson pointed out, Rockwood School District doesn’t write textbooks, and the district has a responsibility to help our students understand dates in any way they may be presented. But I’m with Mandis — it’s a slippery slope. I think the district should reject any textbooks that teach an inaccurate history of Thanksgiving, and then the textbook companies won’t print falsities about that holiday.

Our dating system shouldn’t offend anyone. B.C. doesn’t stand for “Before Christ, the one true God, Son of Man, Risen Savior.” And the newer system of dating doesn’t change anything — the calendar is still measured in terms of the birth of Jesus Christ. So let’s stop erasing God from our history. Larson says the school district doesn’t have a “policy” on dates.

Maybe we should have a policy and that policy should be that we will continue to teach our children the principles upon which this country was founded in regard to everything, including the dating system. If you are a Rockwood parent and you feel strongly about this, a group of parents have started a petition on the topic. You can sign it here.

Need to Rant! And then forgive.

I need to rant. And ranting on Facebook isn’t safe — too many friends of friends of friends, etc.

As a Christian, I’m trying to “love my neighbor” and “love my enemy.” God forgives me and I need to forgive other people, too. But it is SOOOO hard.

So I need to rant. Because some people continue to be complete dolts!

Here’s my rant:

If you are an adult — act like one. If you are an adult, don’t spew your stupid poison AT kids. Don’t spew your stupid poison TO kids in hopes that your stupid poison is passed along by those kids to the kids you don’t like or to the parents you don’t like.  If you are an adult, don’t disguise your stupid poison as a compliment to someone, or respect for someone or concern for someone else. Everyone can see through that.  Don’t say your mean words through kids, or through gossip or constant complaining to others who are, frankly, immensely tired of hearing it or are amused by your immaturity.

If you’re not an adult, then keep acting like the juvenile that you are. You are only hurting yourself. Maybe someday you’ll grow up.

There — I feel better. I can and do forgive.  I can choose not to react to this stupid poison. I can choose not to act like you. I can choose not to talk about you and spew poison about you. I can choose to be NICE to you. And I can choose to let it go.

This Mom Needs Your Help

June 15th, 2009 should have been the happiest day in Debbie and Ken’s life.  After spending more than two weeks at Missouri Baptist Medical Center in St. Louis on bed rest, Debbie Martinez Goff gave birth to three healthy and beautiful babies: Kyle, Cara, and Molly.  Debbie’s oldest son, Ben, 6, finally had the three siblings he had hoped to receive.

Debbie and Ken were overjoyed – but their elation was short lived.  As Debbie was being wheeled out of the operating room, she suffered a sudden, lethal and extremely rare delivery complication called Amniotic Fluid Embolism that resulted in cardiac arrest.

The nurses and physicians, acting immediately, brought Debbie back to life.  However, the damage from this event was catastrophic to Debbie’s organs.  She needs a ventilator to breathe, dialysis in place of functioning kidneys, and is fighting everyday to keep her liver functioning. She has suffered multiple cardiac arrests.

A tragic cascade of further complications has left Debbie on life support systems since that day – unable to speak, move, and most saddening – unable to care for and bond with her babies who were born 6 and 1/2 weeks premature.  And her future is cloudy and uncertain.  She has a tracheotomy, continues full time kidney dialysis, is still draining excess fluid from her body, receives an antibiotic for an unknown infection/excess white blood cell count, has received more than 100 units of  blood, and is being prescribed antidepressants to help her deal with depression due to her condition.

The devastation from this horrible event is widespread.  It has left Debbie unable to work, care and nurture her newborns together with Ken, or run a household of four young children with the unexpected expenses related to that task.  Ken is obviously under unbelievable stress.

So far, Ken has relied upon the help of family and others just to “get by”.  The babies are now home and are being watched in shifts.   Meals are cooked and delivered by volunteers.  This has allowed Ken to be at Debbie’s side around-the-clock, providing her with love and encouragement to keep the fight for her life going.

A distressing reality has begun to set in as Debbie’s family digs in for a long, long road to her recovery.  It is not clear that she will ever be normal again.  Any recovery will come after months of rehabilitation.

It has become very clear that more in-depth assistance is required in order for Debbie and her family to survive this ordeal and be able to offer Kyle, Cara, Molly and Ben a fighting chance for a normal life.

Debbie has now been in an Intensive Care Unit for six weeks.  While the medical costs are not fully known at this point, they will be huge and not even close to fully covered by insurance.  And her expenses are separate from the hospital and doctor care for three premature babies, one of whom also needed a surgery following his birth.

The family is working to deal with their huge, devastating financial demands as best they can.  To this end, a medical expense fund has been established.  If you are able to help Debbie, Ken, Kyle, Molly and Cara, and Ben, you can make a contribution directly to:

Bank of America,  Deborah M. Goff – Medical Fund

ATTN:  Patti Hickey, 15115 Manchester Road Ballwin, MO 63011

From Ken and all of the family and friends of Debbie, we thank you for taking your time to read Debbie’s story and for any assistance that you may be able to offer.

————

I have had the honor and privilege to be among the dozens of volunteers to help care for these beautiful babies. In the few short hours I have spent with them, I can already see their distinctive personalities emerging. Cara fights sleeping and wants to held facing outward so she can see everything that is going on around her. Molly is content to be cradled in your arms  and seems more laid back than her sister.  Kyle seems happiest when he is snuggled up against your neck and shoulder.  I share these observations with you to make these babies and the plight of their family more real.  In doing so, I hope you will be encouraged to contribute to Debbie’s fund in any way you can. I also hope that in addition to any money you can give, you will also give your prayers.  Jesus is the Great Healer, and I ask that you pray for Him to heal Debbie and return her to the family that loves and needs her so very much.

NOTE: If you have a blog or Web site, I ask that you copy this story and paste it on your site if you are so inclined. —  Michelle Cox

Swine Flu Too Close to Home

I’d like to say I’m one of those completely rational people unaffected by the news reports about the Swine Flu. We are a “news family” — my husband is a journalist and I’m a former journalist. But the emphasis is on the word “former.” These days, I’m first and foremost a Mom. I’ve got three kids, one being an 18-month old, and I’m a little scared, especially now that the news is reporting a case of Swine Flu in Ellisville, MO, which borders Wildwood, MO, where I live.

I know the case in Ellisville is actually a college student from Chicago who was diagnosed there and came home to Ellisville to recover. He says he is putting himself in voluntary quarantine. It still makes me nervous. What if someone from his household becomes infected and then goes out in public before showing symptoms?

So, I’m doing a few things differently and taking a few precautions.

• First of all, I was almost done weaning my 18-month old and had actually nursed her for what I thought was the last time on Tuesday night. Then I reconsidered yesterday and even had a conversation with my pediatrician. He said that it is extremely unlikely/almost impossible that my breast milk would have any antibodies to protect my baby from Swine Flu. But he acknowledged that there is research that breast milk does contain some immunity strengthening properties for babies. His advice: “If it makes you feel better to continue nursing her until this Swine Flu thing plays out, then do it.” My decision: Keep nursing her. What difference does it make whether she is weaned at 18 months or 19 months.
• When I heard yesterday that all area Walgreens are out of face masks, I decided to visit a small private pharmacy to see if they had any. They did, so I bought some “just in case.”
• I’m planning to keep my baby home from Moms Day Out and away from the YMCA nursery for a little while. I’ll run with her in the jogging stroller, or run on my treadmill, or let my in-laws watch her while I’m at the YMCA.
• I plan to nag the kids more about hand-hygiene, particularly when we’re out in public and when they return from school.

So far, that’s it. I know worrying about this won’t do any good. So, I’ll do what I can, pray about it and then go about my life as normally as possible minus the above-mentioned changes.

PS — my former employer, Standing Partnership, has a great post about reliable sources of information on the Swine Flu on Twitter. Check it out.

Time to Speak Out and Forget About “The File”

I feel compelled on the eve of Good Friday to declare that the United States is, indeed, a Christian Nation. Sadly, our president chose to say otherwise on world stage during this, the holiest of weeks.

Our country was founded on Judeo-Christian values. Our earliest laws came straight from the Old Testament of the Bible. These are simple facts that even those who rewrite/revise  history books would have difficulty arguing.

I was raised by a police officer and as a much younger woman, I entertained the idea of possibly joining the FBI or the CIA. For this reason, my father warned me against ever attending student protests on my college campus or ever putting in writing anything that could be construed as critical of our government. He told me that those agencies monitored that type of activitiy and would create a “File” on me if I were to ever ever go “on record” as being anti-government, regardless of my political party leanings. He said such a “File” would hinder my prospects of working for the Federal Government. I believed him, and thus avoided all student protests, didn’t sign petitions, and for the most part, I’ve steered clear of politics in my writing life — all in the name of avoiding the “File.”  

Well — bring it on. I’m absolutely willing to have my “File” established and let the first notation in said “File” state that I BELIEVE THE UNITED STATES IS A CHRISTIAN NATION. I disagree wholeheartedly with President Obama on a lot of issues, and this one just moved to the top of that list.

Mean Girls

We’ve all experienced mean girls.  And most/all of us have probably been mean girls at one time or another (or another, or another). Today, I got to listen to an amazing lecture on the subject of “mean girls” that really got to the heart of the matter for me as a mother.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m currently doing the Beth Moore Bible study, “Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman”. During today’s video lesson, Beth (if you do one of her studies, you come to think of her as a friend and start calling her by her first name) really shared some insightful things about meanness, many of which were Bible-based. Some of my favorite thoughts were:

• Meanness always has a history.
• There is nothing meaner than a coward.
• Meanness catches like a virus and we can spread it down from generation to generation or horizontally to those with whom we come in contact.
• We are most likely to compare ourselves to someone we perceive as a threat.
• Insecurity is at the heart of every rivalry.
• Coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl. (Can I hear an AMEN!)
• Meanness is curable. Dont’ repay evil with evil.
• Be nice to your mean girl. Don’t serve her or bow down to her, but be nice until her heart sears with conviction.

Okay — if you can’t relate to EVERY one of these sentiments, wisdoms, facts — whatever you want to call them — then you don’t have two X chromosomes. But there are probably a few that really strike a chord. For me, it’s the “coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl.”

When I became a mother, I thought I’d inherently develop a tenderness and protection toward all children. And for the most part, that’s what happens — unless said child does something to one of MY children. Whoa! I did not know I could have such evil thoughts toward someone who hadn’t even reached puberty until a wicked little second-grader spread her meanness to my first born many years ago. My husband wasn’t even sure he knew the woman who expressed those somewhat-violent fantasies with him.

That’s why I was so thankful to hear Beth talk about a similar reaction in relation to one of her daughters and a nemesis. It’s helpful and healing to know that we’re not alone and that “coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl.”

Still, that doesn’t excuse us when we act like mean girls, and it doesn’t excuse us when we simply have “mean girl” thoughts. So, I prayed for forgiveness for any mean girls thoughts I’ve had recently and not so recently. And I’m sure I’ll have to do so again – and again, and again. How about you?

You Cannot Amputate Your History

Like most people, I have things in my past that I would gladly erase. But I try not to dwell on those things, and really believe there is value in the advice that says “Do not regret the past, nor try to shut the door on it.”

I got some help with my attitude in this area yesterday. I’m currently participating in the Beth Moore Bible Study at my church, “Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman.” This is the second Beth Moore Study I’ve done, and while we’re only in week two, I can already tell it’s going to be a great one. I plan to share some of the great things I learn in the study here, and yesterday included these gems from Beth’s video lecture:

“You cannot amputate your history from your destiny. Never forget what God dragged you out of. Your past and your future share the same root.”

I was inspired by those words and I hope you are, too.