Need to Rant! And then forgive.

I need to rant. And ranting on Facebook isn’t safe — too many friends of friends of friends, etc.

As a Christian, I’m trying to “love my neighbor” and “love my enemy.” God forgives me and I need to forgive other people, too. But it is SOOOO hard.

So I need to rant. Because some people continue to be complete dolts!

Here’s my rant:

If you are an adult — act like one. If you are an adult, don’t spew your stupid poison AT kids. Don’t spew your stupid poison TO kids in hopes that your stupid poison is passed along by those kids to the kids you don’t like or to the parents you don’t like.  If you are an adult, don’t disguise your stupid poison as a compliment to someone, or respect for someone or concern for someone else. Everyone can see through that.  Don’t say your mean words through kids, or through gossip or constant complaining to others who are, frankly, immensely tired of hearing it or are amused by your immaturity.

If you’re not an adult, then keep acting like the juvenile that you are. You are only hurting yourself. Maybe someday you’ll grow up.

There — I feel better. I can and do forgive.  I can choose not to react to this stupid poison. I can choose not to act like you. I can choose not to talk about you and spew poison about you. I can choose to be NICE to you. And I can choose to let it go.

Messy House Ignored Results in Great Morning

I have this great neighbor who lives two doors down and has a few girls (ages 8, 5 and 3) that my toddler really admires. My girl simply cannot walk past “Soozie’s” house without insisting we knock on her door. So, we are often just “dropping in” on Susan.

She’s great about it — always offering coffee, some delicious home-baked treat or rice balls served with a yummy Japanese dipping powder whatchamacallit that she made in minutes via a food processor and ingredients from the Asian grocery. Me — while I’d like to be the neighbor that anyone feels comfortable “dropping in on”, I’m not so much. But I’d like to be.

Today, when I got home from the gym early (in the pouring monsoon-like rain) I looked around my house and here’s what I saw: a sink full of dirty dishes; cereal and milk spilled on the kitchen table; toys scattered around the family room; unmade beds; laundry in the dryer waiting to be folded; laundry in the basket waiting to be put away; paperwork all over the counter waiting to be filed; emails to be answered; school forms to fill out; and, toilets growing that lovely coral/pink colored ring around the bowl at the water line. (I know, TMI). I had plenty to do. Guess what I did? I called “Soozie” and invited her and the girls up for coffee and playtime.

My toddler got a “new” $2 garage-sale Cinderella Barbie castle yesterday and I knew her girls would love playing with it. And it just seemed like it was time to return the “drop in, you’re always welcome” feeling that Susan is always extending to us. I had a lovely morning of coffee and friendship and laughter. And my girl had fun playing with the older girls and not having a Mom rushing her from room to room while we tried to clean the place. I have GOT to do that more often, and I must find the secret to exuding that “drop in, you’re always welcome” vibe that Susan gives off to those who meet her.

What about you — are you the neighbor who makes others feel welcome, or are you more like me (very appreciate of that neighbor but not as good as being that neighbor).

Cheating on Playgroup?

Last week, I wrote this post about how excited I was about my new playgroup for moms who are over 40, with kids under 2, who want to meet during the week without husbands.

Well, let’s just say the jury is still out on that playgroup. Sometimes you gel with people and sometimes you don’t. I’m willing to give it another try. If the second try is a “fail” (that’s my teen’s lingo, but it just seemed to fit here), then I’ll write about it in more detail. 

Today, I decided to meet a playgroup that is organized by my church. I’ve never been to this playgroup before, and I don’t know any of the women in it, but I figured it was worth a try. Anything is better than always doing the park by myself with my toddler. I showed up at the designated park at the designated time, and slowly began to meet the moms in this group. And I quickly began to feel very old. They were all very nice, but I bet I’ve got 12+ years on most of them. There was one mom there who looked my age, but she doesn’t have a toddler — only older children. I’ve got older children, too, but they’re not about to attend playgroup with me. And I’m really looking to hang out with moms who have toddlers so I don’t have to do all this “toddler stuff” alone.

So, there I was: pushing my daughter in a swing, feeling old and sorry for myself, looking at the age spots, er, I mean freckles on my hands, and running my tongue over my teeth to make sure I’m not “long in the tooth” yet. I started to pack up and leave, and then I decided to give it a few more minutes because it’s a church playgroup, for heavens sake, and maybe God wanted me to be there. Then I overhear eavesdrop on a conversation taking place a few feet away. A woman is telling another woman how she had a baby when she was 42. And the other woman tells her how she had her youngest when she was 40. And they’re both lamenting always being the “oldest mom” on the playground.

I didn’t make any attempt to casually enter their conversation — I jumped right into the middle of it with no transitions. And things “gelled” rather quickly. I liked both of them, plus another woman who was with one of them. We exchanged information. Maybe God did want me at the church playgroup –  so I could meet these women. But I still felt like I was cheating. And I had the ”dance with the one that brought ya” lyrics running through my head as I drove home with their names, emails and phone numbers written on a scrap of paper.

Playgroup Parameters as Complicated as Starbucks Order

I’m meeting the members of our new playgroup tomorrow. It’s for Moms who are over 40, who have kids under 2, who can meet weekday mornings and want to do so without husbands. It reminds me of my Starbuck’s order before they invented “skinny” as part of their ordering process and before I quit going to Starbucks for budget reasons:

“I’ll take a venti sugar-free cinnamon dolce latte with skim and an extra shot of espresso, extra hot.”  I was on my cell with my brother one day when I placed that order and he said, “Just order a #%*^ing cup of coffee, for crying out loud.” Now that I see my playgroup parameters in writing, I feel like I should just make a few friends, for crying out loud.

But it’s not that easy. And I do have friends. I just don’t have MANY friends who are over 40 and who have toddlers. Most of my friends have moved on to other things. Many of them have returned to a more traditional work setting. Those who haven’t returned to work are golfing, lunching, gardening, etc. The women who are home with young children tend to be 20-somethings. I have nothing against 20-somethings — I just don’t want to hang out with them. They make me feel like I’m 40-something. Plus, as Busy Mom puts it so eloquently in this post, I’m a little past the stage of getting excited about my toddler’s first precious snowflake, so to speak. And I wouldn’t be very good at hiding that fact.

I thought I’d skip the whole playgroup thing this time around, especially after becoming friends with a wonderful neighbor who is home with two young girls and who is ALMOST 40. But said neighbor can probably only tolerate me popping in for coffee so many times a week before she tells me to get a life.  So, for my toddler’s socialization (okay, I admit it, for my socialization, too) I’ve decided to give it a try.

Kudos to Parents as Teachers, which helped connect all of us “over-40-playgroup-seeking-moms.” Someone at the Rockwood Parents as Teachers program realized the need for such a group, put together a brief questionnaire regarding our more specific interests, and then assigned us to a “customized group.” When I first filled out the questionnaire, I never suspected that there would be enough of us over-40s for more than one playgroup. But after all was said and done, these groups were formed: the 2 and under weekend group; the 3-year-old girl morning group; and the under 2 weekday morning group. It’s been funny, because lots of emails have been exchanged, reassigning this or that Mom/child, etc. But I’m really looking forward to meeting these women/children tomorrow.

Now, back to the second sentence of this post: It’s for Moms who are over 40, who have kids under 2, who can meet weekday mornings and want to do so without husbands -  which means there are men out there who want to do playgroup because that’s why the weekend group was formed. That sounds very hip and urban and young — not necessarily something I would’ve expected from the over 40 crowd, but cool just the same.